* During an automobile collision in a nearby town on Jan. 5, one vehicle left the roadway and landed in the river.
* A suspicious light was reported in the 1100 block of XYZ Road on Jan. 5. After searching the surrounding area, a deputy was unable to locate the source.
* A local woman was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence and possession of less than 40 grams of marijuana and “mislabeled legend drugs” on January 2.
* An Arrow was found lodged in the side of a residence Jan 1. The reporting party said the residence is next to a clear-cut and speculated a bow hunter might be to blame.
* A complaint of children partying in a nearby area on Jan 6 brought deputies to the scene. They discovered not a party but a one-man band. After a discussion with law enforcement personnel, he agreed to terminate his performance for the evening.
* A 59-year-old man apparently tried to steal cigars from a local store on Jan 9. Another man reported that a customer witnessed the suspect trying to steal about $100 in cigars but told him to put them back. The suspect reportedly put the items back and left the store, but the employee took his license plate number. Before officers arrived, the suspect reportedly returned, apologized and left $20 on the counter. The business apparently did not want to pursue charges on the attempted theft but asked police to issue a trespass admonishment instructing the suspect not to return.
* Two bottles of Corona were reportedly stolen from the bar at the American Legion Hall sometime between closing time Jan. 9 and 9:33 a.m. Jan. 10. A 43-year-old female employee reportedly discovered that the panel that closes off the bar from the rest of the upstairs was split. The 46-year-old female employee who closed the bar on Jan. 9 told police that two beers appeared to be the only things missing. All doors to the building were locked and undamaged. The homeless shelter was notified in case it was someone who perhaps stayed the night.
* A peace symbol sign was reported missing on Jan. 7 from near a driveway along the Post Office Road.
* Police took a 29-year-old woman into custody for disorderly conduct on Jan. 4 after she repeatedly disrupted an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in the 1100 block of Main Street. The 56-year-old woman who runs the meetings reported that the suspect threw her blue backpack on the floor and began popping several balloons, which initially startled those in attendance because it sounded like gunfire.
* Miscreant Goats Apprehended and Returned to Owner: Domestic goats were reported “on the loose” Jan. 5 along a local rural road. The ruminants were apprehended, given a stern scolding and returned to their owner.
These are actual police reports respectfully submitted by AngelMay.
Only the names were changed to protect everybody.
YOU CANNOT MAKE THIS STUFF UP!